Deja Vu
by Endless Sorrow
Summary: Why do the harridans only appear at night? A parody on the Mary Sue.


**Deja Vu  
**_(Who are these women that keep popping up on my ship?)_

**The Diary of Jack Sparrow****: Day 1.**

Bugger. For some illogical reason Will decided to visit – with his big and magnificent ship, the ruddy thing – and dumps this girl on me. Said something along the lines of 'TAKE HER I CAN'T BEAR IT ANYMORE.' So I did. The whelp owes me his life, and some female company could settle that debt… temporarily.

So there we are, doing what we always do – fighting – when this lass decides she can board the other ship all by her lonesome. I wish you the best of luck, darling. I'm turning my ship around.

**The Diary of Jack Sparrow: ****Day 2.**

I thought I left her on the other ship, but strangely enough, she's materialized in my quarters. Said something about commandeering the ship I left her on and the entire crew is dead, killed by her bare hands. Well, the girl doesn't seem to be too shaken up, since she has barely a scratch-

Oh, she's collapsed on the floor.

**The Diary of ****Joshamee**** Gibbs****: Day 2**

Women are bad luck, says I. This one is a curse. The captain handed me some lass that fell out of nowhere and I had to drag her to the brig, because there was no room for her. Just as I was about to leave, she suddenly wakes up, grabs my arm and tells me stories of how she was kidnapped by thugs in Port Royal and how she became a pirate through no choice of her own. I don't recall asking her about her past.

I swear by Calypso her hair was blonde when I carried her to the brig. If my eyes deceive me, it is now red.

**The Diary of Davy Jones: ****Day 2**

I'm alive?

**The Diary of James ****Norrington****: Day 2**

I'm alive?

**The Diary of Elizabeth Swann****: Day 2**

_The owner of this journal has been recently deceased, as a pile of coconuts from a tree came toppling down on her__ on Day 1__, crushing her skull in__stantly._

**The Diary of ****Joshamee**** Gibbs: Day 3**

She is a witch! I locked her in the brig, but she's appeared on the deck manning the helm, leaving Cotton nothing to do. She's been screaming at Barbossa for the good half of the morning – something about giving the captain a hard time - and Heaven help her if Barbossa doesn't shoot her brains out by now. Ah, there he goes for his gun.

… Wet powder? But our guns haven't been anywhere near water!

The captain's not going to be happy where she's sailing us to.

**The Diary of Jack Sparrow: Day 3**

ON WHAT OCCASION DID I GIVE ORDERS TO SAIL TO PORT ROYAL?

WHY IS SHE COMMANDING MY SHIP? DOESN'T SHE HAVE ONE ALREADY?

**The Diary of James ****Norrington****: Day 4**

I have heard rumor that Sparrow was after the Fountain of Youth, so it surprised me to see the Black Pearl moored on the dock. The strangest girl with black hair and orange eyes descended from the ship and flung herself into my arms, all the time crying. I'm not quite sure how I ended up in Port Royal in the first place, actually.

I must have suffered some sort of memory loss, because I'm certain I have not seen this girl before in my life, but she's telling me of all the countless times I rescued her from the thugs in Port Royal and how I visited her house to comfort her afterwards.

Now she's dragging me through the paths where we supposedly walked during the night time. She won't stop crying at every landmark we pass, recounting some story of "fabled memories of moist ghosts of the past".

**The Diary of ****Joshamee**** Gibbs: Day 4**

Let me get this straight: She's the daughter of Calypso, and has proclaimed herself the 'princess of the sea', but she was abandoned by her mother in Port Royal, and only has the locket to remind herself of her mother. She's been hunted down by pirates and thugs, and she decides to turn pirate, steals a ship and commands it herself without a crew and decides to go on a journey to find her father.

… This does not bode well for us all.

**The Diary of ****Jack Sparrow****: Day 4**

Don't be ridiculous. Davy Jones is dead. Unless that girl somehow brought him and Norrington back to life, which is highly unlikely.

Is that Norrington with her on the bridge?

Oh.

**The Diary of ****Joshamee**** Gibbs: Day 5**

We are cursed men! The captain left Allabeloa – that's what she calls herself – on Port Royal, but here she is, on the helm again! Is there no ridding this woman?

She's been screaming at Barbossa again, and his gun is still wet. Barbossa's eyes went unfocused for a moment and stumbled below deck. I've never seen him act like that before. I hope he's alright.

I've noticed the captain's teeth are getting cleaner.

**The Diary of Jack Sparrow: Day 6**

She's done it again. The entire Spanish armada had loaded their cannons at us, but she killed them all with a gold-hilted sword. I don't think she even boarded their ships this time around.

**The Diary of Davy Jones: Day 6**

A fourteen year old girl melted through the walls of my ship, took one look at me and started crying. I had half a mind to stab her but my sword has gone missing. She showed me a locket – an ugly pink coloured heart shaped one with jewels embedded in every crevice – and claimed I was her father. One would remember as important an event as _that._ I would not spawn a child with green hair and red eyes.

She suddenly flew into a rage and then said "You gave me no choice. You will fear death." and magically disappeared.

Why do the harridans appear only at night?

**The Diary of Jack Sparrow: Day 7**

The girl won't stop crying. We were on the verge of getting ourselves drunk with rum when she reappeared again, drank all the rum and still managed to stand at the helm. She's stolen my compass, although she said I gave it to her, which I do not recall saying.

Shipwreck Cove? Honestly, is there no place that isn't familiar territory anymore? Why is she leading us to these places we've already been before?

Oh look, a storm's coming.

**The Diary of ****Joshamee**** Gibbs: Day 8**

MAELSTROM!

**The Diary of Davy Jones: Day 8**

Now, this is just déjà vu all over again.

**The End.**

**--- **

**Author's note:** Mindless drabble, and just a way of attempting to 'loosen up' myself. I have a tendency to think too much when I write, so this one was just mindlessly typing out whatever was in my head at the time. I've attempted to keep them in character – especially Jack, who I think was possibly the most difficult to write. I just wanted to touch on the unrealistic aspect of a Mary Sue, and the subsequent unoriginality these fics tend to exhibit, hence the rehashed ending of AWE. I do hope this was amusing at the very least, and I thank you for your waste of 5 minutes here.


End file.
